How To Deal With Separation Anxiety

children of Angels Childcare

Children experiencing separation anxiety need a predictable routine and lots of reassurance. Parents also need emotional support from co-operative caregivers, friends and family. It can take anywhere from two to ten weeks to resolve; there is no "quick fix" solution.


  • Develop a predictable routine with caregivers. You will need their support and involvement as they are used to dealing with separation issues. The routine starts from the time your child wakes in the morning to the time you say good-bye at childcare. Use the same words every day, something simple like:" We are going to see the kids at Little Angels today". Do not deviate from the routine if this can be avoided. If you have a late start or a day off from work, although it would be tempting to have a more relaxed morning, it may only serve to worsen your child's separation anxieties. Try and do the drop off as usual.
  • Follow the same predictable routine upon arrival: greet the caregiver and children, put their belongings in their assigned locker, select an activity/toy/playmate, or bring something special from home that your child may like to share or show others. For smaller babies, something that carries your scent, such as a hankie or scarf, might be useful. Make sure staff are aware of what the special toy is.
  • Involve the caregiver in being ready to help you say good-bye to your child. Tell your child good-bye, kiss and cuddle and say when you will be returning, such as after sleep or afternoon tea. Your child might like to wave to you from the window, safe and secure in the arms of a caregiver.
  • Then GO. It is difficult, but it is also necessary to confidently leave the room. It's not easy when your child is screaming and clinging to you, but the consequences of changing the routine at this stage can be confusing for your child. Leave the room and go to work, or spend some time with the centre director or a friend to calm down. Remember that child care workers are experienced and only too willing to support and assist you in this difficult time.
  • The entire routine should generally be no longer than ten minutes and no shorter than five. Once your child has stopped experiencing separation difficulties, a more relaxing and longer time can be taken.
  • If it helps, phone to see if your child has settles once you have arrived at work or at home. However, it is O.K. not to call as well. Staff will always contact parents and families if they are concerned about the child's well being.

Key points to remember

  • Plan ahead for separation time with infants particularly if it is in a new environment, or with a new caregiver.
  • Choose a small circle of caregivers with whom your child has contact.
  • Give your child time to become familiar with new situations and new caregivers.
  • Develop a consistent routine when you leave your child.
  • Let your child know that you are leaving and make sure they are clear on who is looking after them.

Please find information about Anxiety below

  • Separation Anxiety Microsoft Word

All the information presented here was taken from the Childcare and Children's Health Series.