Toilet Training

During the first 1 and half years of life there is no proper bowel or bladder control, just the toilet timing reflex. As the child approaches 18 months this reflex appears to weaken and voluntary control begins to take over.

It is pointless to consider serious toilet training until the child knows at least when he is wet or dirty. The realisation rarely dawns much before 18 months of age. In the months that follow this discovery, the child becomes aware of his toileting needs before the event rather than after. This great breakthrough occurs somewhere between 18 months and 2 years of age, but with urine training there is one unfortunate flaw. Although warning is given, the child's alarm system is only adjusted to tell of the impending puddle 5 seconds before it arrives.

By the age of 2, the amount of warning has increased and you can start to notch up a few successes. At about this time bowel control will also become established, in some children before urine control and in others after it. By the age of 2 and half years, over two-thirds of children will be dry most of the time; the majority can take themselves to the toilet and handle their pants without too many mistakes. At this age night-time wetting also starts to come under control, the child initially needing to be lifted onto the toilet in the middle of the night, and later holding on unaided. Although most children are dry and bowel trained by the age of 2 and half, the whole procedure is still surrounded by a great sense of urgency - the child needing to go "now" rather than when it suits the parents.

In toilet training development, there is a great variation from child to child. There is a strong relationship with family history, and parents with late bladder training, especially at night, frequently find that their children are endowed with similar characteristics. Girls tend to become trained slightly earlier than boys, possibly because of their slightly more advanced development, different anatomy or, perhaps they have a more compliant personality at this age. Early training is no more a sign of intelligence than early development of teeth.

Toilet timing, toilet training

Babies, from their earliest days, tend to empty their bowels or bladders when their stomachs are full after a feed. This is a completely reflex action, being no more clever or voluntary than a knee-jerk reaction. If a child is put on the potty after a meal there is a sporting chance that something will "pop out". This is most interesting but it is nothing to get excited about. This is toilet timing. Toilet training is something completely different. Here an older toddler uses his brain to decide whether he wishes to go to the toilet and then makes a deliberate attempt to oblige. This is a voluntary action and the child is in full control.

No child is toilet trained at the age of 1 year, and children who give this appearance arc just demonstrating a particularly strong toilet timing reflex. The effect may reduce the load on an overworked washing machine but this is a temporary lull, often relapsing as soon as the child starts to exert voluntary control.

Our teaching today is clear:

Eighteen months is the earliest age to consider toilet training.
Two years is probably a more realistic time and if you wait till 2 and half, it won't worry me.
The average young Australian will he night trained at 33 months.
The normal young Australian will become night trained somewhere between 18 months and 8 Years.
One in ten of all normal 5-year-olds still wet at night. That is three in every kindergarten class at school.
If one parent was not night trained before the age of 6 years, 40 per cent of their children may follow suit.
If both parents were not night trained before the age of 6 years, 70 per cent of their children may follow suit. (Children - please choose your parents carefully!!!)
Forcing little children causes tension and tension causes little humans to clamp closed all bodily openings. Don't force - relax. Relaxed little children find toileting easiest.

The fundamental rules

A child must first learn to sit on the toilet before he can learn to open his bowels on that toilet.
A child must know the difference between the feeling of wet and dry before he can he bladder trained.
A child must he able to produce some dry nappies at night before you can expect a dry bed event.

The "sit and wait" method

This is the best way to train all toddlers, whether they are malleable or militant. The method is not very scientific but is just a large chunk of good, old-fashioned commonsense. Start with Green's first rule of toilet training - a child must first learn to sit on the toilet, before he can learn to open his bowels on that toilet.

Initially you use gentleness and guile to achieve a regular sitting habit. Once this is established you give a discreet emotional nudge of encouragement which plants the seeds of success. If you establish these good routines, encourage and don't force, eventually it will happen and then you set off the fireworks.

Don't commence training until both child and parent are ready. Eighteen months is the absolute earliest, 2 years is more sensible and a 2 and half-year start would not worry me, though it might wear out your washing machine.

If you don't feel strong enough to see it through at present, then wait a while. If home is in turmoil with visitors, a new baby, holiday, illness or family tension, there will be more success if you postpone until the dust settles.

The method starts by getting the toddler to sit happily and regularly on the potty. Aim for three sits a day, preferable after meals. The secret of success is to make this fun. "How about sitting on the potty? I'll read you that story we had last night. Once upon a time there was a girl ..." Maybe at such a young age they don't understand the finer the focus of all attention at centre stage.

The trouble is that it can be all too easy to get this back to front. Fighting over toileting often backfires on us parents. Image the scene, you have dragged him to the toilet, and say sternly, "You will use the toilet at once!" With this the eyes twinkle with devilment and a little smile comes onto his face, as he says to himself, "That's what she thinks!"

Once the sitting habit is firmly established, it is time to engage in a little amateur psychology. Gentle hints are dropped to get them thinking positive thoughts about a bit of action. "Gosh, you are almost 2 and big 2-year-old girls do poohs in the potty". "We could give all the nappies away and get new pants". "Grandma is going to be pleased."

What you say is nothing more than a gentle emotional nudge. It must never suggest anxiety, frustration or impatience on your part. Remember, you can only make them sit, they have the ultimate control over what happens and they know this. Even if two minutes after leaving the pot empty they dirty their pants, this must be dealt with calmly, saying nothing more than "Next time you may do a pooh on the potty - Daddy would be proud".

It the child sits regularly, is relaxed, encouraged and not forced, eventually something has to drop out in the pot. At this age soft rewards of fuss, attention and praise are best. Grandma is contacted and dad dragged to the phone at work to hear the piece of earth-shattering news. This may seem a bit over the top but it works.

Once training is established there remains an air of urgency for some time before it becomes more stable. Relapses are very rare except in times of diarrhoea, constipation or sickness.

A mother once told me how she toilet-trained her son. Her husband worked at the North Head Sewage Plant in Sydney where the sewage is treated and collected before being pumped out to sea. The mother would say to her son, "John, sit on the toilet and do something - pass a message down the pipe to Dad".

The plan

Start 18 months of age at time when both parents and child ready.
Sit the child three times a day after meals. Make it fun. Never force. Don't make a fuss over defiance.
Once sitting is established give a gentle emotional nudge and then wait patiently.
When the big day arrives - set off the fireworks!